“I don’t care.”

I hear this said so often that I can’t help but consider what lies beneath such apathy.

In some cases, it seems that people really don’t care. They don’t care if the customer is satisfied. They don’t care if a colleague, or supervisor is disappointed. They don’t care if a friend or loved one is hurt. They don’t care if they personally fail.

Seemingly, they are not impacted by potential consequences. They may have discovered that they will not be held accountable, there are no consequences or the potential consequences are of no concern. But it can also have an impact on their feelings. They feel no pain, grief or discontent when things go wrong or end badly. They have no fear of the future. Such apathy can offer a safe and comfortable euphoria.

Then there are those who say it in an effort to try to convince themselves that it’s true. This is sometimes used when things have gone wrong and they are trying not to feel the consequential sting. It can also be used in advance of outcomes to reduce the fear of facing negative consequences or feelings.

Apathy is like a drug - an insatiable desire for nothing. It numbs us to the potentially negative feelings associated with outcomes. If we don’t care then the outcomes don’t matter.

But outcomes should matter. They are a part of our life and numbing ourselves to outcomes is like disconnecting from life. We then also become numb to potential joy, pride and triumph.

Pain is a frequent, normal and natural consequence of caring. So is ecstasy.

In my last blog, I talked about the impact of using fear as a method of exerting influence.  I've been asked, "If fear is not an option, what do we use instead?"
 
Encouragement!
 
In an economy based on connection and the need for strong relationships, it is far better to encourage others to do what we want than to threaten them with repercussions if they don't.
 
We need less focus on "or else" and more focus on "if then."  The typical fear promoter says, "Meet my expectations or suffer the consequences."  The relationship builder says "If you can meet my expectations, then these good things can happen."
 
So then people ask, "What about consequences?"  Yes, by all means we need consequences.  But consequences need not always relate to penalties for failure.  We also need to celebrate what we want to see more of.
 
There is a constant battle between the use of positive and negative reinforcement.  Surely, with so much riding on our ability to influence others, we can get creative enough to balance the equation.