Over the past several weeks, we have seen a new awakening to the depth of sexual misconduct and harassment in the workplace. While much of the reporting focuses on lewd behavior, most of that is for dramatic impact.  The real problem is much deeper.

Men have been marginalizing, dominating and taking advantage of women for much of our human history. While some of this feeds a need for sexual gratification, more often it is about a need for power and control. 

It should be noted that such abuses are not limited to male abuses of females. Nor is it always sexual. Women are "kept in their place" and marginalized in many ways.  So are others who fall victim to the abuses of power and control so prevalent in our workplace and our society. 

The late Dr. Marshall Rosenberg has referred to this pervasive behavior as the culture of dominance.  I think we all can relate to the "pack" mentality that makes us acutely aware of the established pecking order and our place in it.  Many are busy climbing to a higher position, even if only in their own mind, and it is almost always at the expense of the status of another.

This is apparent in our relationships, our styles of communication and how we treat those around us. Interestingly, this culture has its own way self perpetuating. Not only do some choose to treat others as lesser than themselves, some also choose to be subservient.  

Unfortunately, the subservient role of women has been accepted and enabled for a very long time by both genders.  The #MeToo movement demonstrates an awakening to the need for change. But just as waking up in the morning is the beginning of a new day, this, too, is only the beginning of a needed evolution in human behavior. 

If we are going to make a difference in our workplaces and in our society, we need to consider a different approach.  Each of us has a role in perpetuating the problem or encouraging change. Bringing all this out in the light is a start. But if we do so with our typical blame, shame and guilt all the typical defenses of denial, excuses and blame shifting will impede progress and any meaningful change. 

We need to be able to talk about this issue openly with a greater interest in seeking solutions than assigning blame. This starts with each of us admitting we are humans who have made, and are making, choices that may not serve the greater good. How we look at those behaviors, what we learn from them, and what we do in the future to improve is much more important than anything done in the past.

I fully recognize, and readily admit, that I have objectified and marginalized women.  For that I am truly sorry and apologize.  I believe that I have grown to the point where I can recognize past mistakes and improve my behavior.  I also recognize that there is much I can still improve.

As I watched the drip, drip, drip of accusations and admissions, I longed for one person of prominence to step up and lead us to the future.  Most deny, deny in part, or admit, and withdraw to the shadows of guilt avoiding the public view.  So much more could be gained by simply admitting poor choices in the past, being open to discussing ways to improve, and leading the way to greater understanding and the search for real solutions that will benefit our society as a whole.

This awakening is wonderful to see but it is only the beginning.

From where will come the light when the candle burns out.

Almost every leader will deal with burnout in some way at some point in time.  It may affect you personally bringing a sense of mental or physical exhaustion.  You may even develop an attitude of indifference or a sense of failure.  In business burnout can translate to lack of motivation and reduced performance even bringing increased conflict and a high rate of turnover.

Most people associate burnout with too much work and too little time off.  Over-achievers and folks with an excessive desire to please or “look good” are prime candidates for the problems related to burnout.  Consequently, the most common advice includes taking a vacation, avoiding overtime or using delegation to lessen the workload.  In extreme circumstances professionals may even suggest quitting your job or changing your career.

In most cases reductions in stress can decrease the probability and severity of burnout.  Stress builds up when there is not enough balance in life.  Find time for relaxation and fun with family or friends.  Taking time to enhance your spiritual side will also prove to be a valuable stress buster.  Get away for some quiet reflection, meditation or prayer.

Current research indicates that workload, pace and balance are not the only contributors to stress and burnout.  Some workplaces seem to be alive with excitement and enthusiasm.  Performance is high, the pace is quick and often, the hours are long.  Yet employees in these businesses often seem immune to burnout.  What is their secret?  They have ignited passion and learned to overcome the more subtle causes of burnout.

Here are three less talked about factors and some things you can do to avoid them.  These factors are not limited to business but can arise in non-profit and volunteer organizations as well.

• Repetitive or tedious work with little meaning.  Be sure that everyone understands the connection between their work and the success of the business.  Assign several diverse tasks and allow time to move back and forth between them to break the monotony.  To ensure the sense of accomplishment, set specific short term goals for each type of task and celebrate the success of reaching those goals.   

• Lack of positive feedback and recognition.  Get out of your office, get around to the workers, catch them doing something right and thank them.  Acknowledge everyone’s efforts as often as possible.  Look for good things happening in your team or company and use this as a reason to bring everyone together, celebrate the success, and recognize each person that contributed to the success.

• Unrealistic demands or objectives.  Be sure that your expectations are realistic.  Watch out for “piling on.”  Often tasks are assigned without consideration for existing priorities.  The result is a pile of tasks that all need to be done right away.  Being overwhelmed, there is a fear of failure and a significant increase in stress.  Remember to establish realistic expectations for all tasks and with each new task.  If you are the recipient, ask how the new task fits into current priorities.

Follow these simple tips and the light in the window of your business will never burn out. 

In my last blog, I talked about the impact of using fear as a method of exerting influence.  I've been asked, "If fear is not an option, what do we use instead?"
 
Encouragement!
 
In an economy based on connection and the need for strong relationships, it is far better to encourage others to do what we want than to threaten them with repercussions if they don't.
 
We need less focus on "or else" and more focus on "if then."  The typical fear promoter says, "Meet my expectations or suffer the consequences."  The relationship builder says "If you can meet my expectations, then these good things can happen."
 
So then people ask, "What about consequences?"  Yes, by all means we need consequences.  But consequences need not always relate to penalties for failure.  We also need to celebrate what we want to see more of.
 
There is a constant battle between the use of positive and negative reinforcement.  Surely, with so much riding on our ability to influence others, we can get creative enough to balance the equation. 

Fear is a powerful motivator.
 
Just consider all the choices we make because of fear - fear that we will lose our job, that we will not get a raise, that we will fail, that "the boss" will be displeased.  And those are just a few of the motivators in the workplace.
 
Then there are the more general ones we deal with every day - fear that someone will not like or stop likening us, fear of guilt, fear of shame, fear of injury to reputation or image, fear of the loss of friendship or love.
 
Fear, fear, fear, fear, fear!!
 
And rest assured that savvy marketers know how to use fear to manipulate our choices.  You might miss out on the best deal.  You might not be "in" with the "in" crowd.  You might suffer injury or worse.  Your freedom may be in peril.  Your future is in jeopardy.  Be afraid.  Be very afraid.

Here's another thing to consider about fear.  No one likes to be afraid.  That is the main reason it has such impact.  On the other hand, we are unable to attach oppositional feelings to the fear itself.  Instead, we most often resent or are angry at the source of the fear - the person or thing that creates it.

It might be good to consider this whenever thinking about using some aspect of fear to influence or motivate others.
 
The consequence of using fear as a motivator may be something to be feared.

In business, and in life, our level of success is dependent on the strength of our relationships. Family, friends, co-workers, customers, clients, colleagues, associates, and even those who simply observe our actions contribute, in their own way, to the flow of our productivity. They may be assisting or they may be consuming but always they are serving as the point of reference for who we are and what we have to offer.

The most critical factor in building strong teams and sustaining strong relationships is trust and trust is established by keeping our commitments.

Keeping commitments, like all acknowledged virtues, is dealt with by each individual internally and is always a matter of choice.  Once made, commitments often create obligations that can be very difficult.  It is in this difficulty, in the struggle, that character is built, integrity established and trust forged.

Some recognize the value of certain virtues and consider the implications of their choices carefully while others follow the path of simple convenience.  All our choices are, in fact, subject to the level of commitment we have to ourselves - to our own core values and what we consider important.  Consequently, commitment to others can never be separated from commitment to self.

Fortunately, we can make it a bit easier to keep our commitments to ourselves and to others.  We also have a choice regarding what commitments we will make in the first place.  We can often avoid a bind down the road simply by considering the potential difficulties associated with keeping certain commitments.  "Look before you leap."

When looking at the commitments made to others, mutual understanding is critical.  Commitments should always be explicit.  They need to be fully expressed without any vagueness or ambiguity.  We can set ourselves up for problems when we imply, or allow people to infer, what the commitment entails.

We sometimes imply that we will do something we are not prepared to do.  "Don't worry I'll be there for you."  Am I implying that I will be available at any time of day or night for any need that may arise?  Are there circumstances that could arise that I am not prepared to "be there for?"  

Commitment by inference can be very difficult to avoid.  When we agree, for example, to chair a committee, there can be a lot of variance in the expectations people have of this position.  We have to anticipate what others may perceive and be prepared to ask questions that can help clarify the expectations.  This may take some time.  But failure to clarify can saddle us with a commitment that can be very hard to carry.          

We can't anticipate everything and there can be many reasons for choosing not to follow through or keep our word.  The obligation may be larger than expected or the journey longer than desired.  We may lose strength or lose heart.  We may fear that we will not do well or even fail.

But those people we deal with every day, the ones that have so much impact on our success, are always watching.  The strength of those relationships will be based on the tough choices, not the easy ones.  We will most often be judged not by the level of success so much as by the willingness to make the effort.

It may be said that it is better to keep a commitment and fail than to fail to keep a commitment.

"He makes me so mad!"  "She just rubs me the wrong way!"

How familiar are these phrases?  These comments and many like them are common in the workplace.  They are used in reference to managers, employees, co-workers, customers and clients.  Sometimes, they are even aimed at colleagues, friends and family.

But the truth is that no one makes you mad.  You make yourself mad.  People do what they do.  You decide if those actions "rub you the wrong way."  It's a choice!

I have often said that the success of any organization is dependent on the people who work there.  All organizational improvements begin with individual improvements.  The first step toward peak performance is taking responsibility for one's self.  Along with that responsibility comes a recognition of the awesome power of choice.

The greatest power we have as human beings is the power of choice.  We choose our behavior, our actions, and our reactions.  We choose our responses, not only to the actions and behavior of others, but to every single thing that happens in our lives.  We can't control the world or everything that happens in it but we do choose how circumstances affect us and how we react.

The mind is a wonderful tool.  It allows us to process immeasurable amounts of data, formulate judgments and make decisions with incredible speed.  In his book Think Better, Tim Hurson talks about three neural functions that help us analyze faster with less thought.  These functions can be very helpful when health and well being depend on quick decisions.  They can also help us avoid getting bogged down in over analysis on the endless decisions needed just to get through the day.

However, rapid judgments are not always accurate and quick decisions are not always the best decisions.  In our fast paced lives, the need for speed often leads to choices that are not well conceived.  Often, so little thought is given to the choice that it seems unconscious.

When the choices are unconscious and the results are problematic or painful it is easy to fall into the role of a victim.  The victim always has someone or something to blame.  They can blame their co-worker, their boss, the economy, the government and even the position of the moon.   

But even the unconscious choices are ours.  We must take responsibility for them.  We choose to be angry.  We choose to judge or blame others.  We choose to react without thinking.  Sometimes those reactions cause irreparable damage. 

Perhaps it is time to develop the discipline to avoid those "helpful" habits that speed along the process of judgment and decisions. Perhaps faster is not always better.  Perhaps we can slow down and think before we react.  Perhaps we can turn the unconscious into conscious.    

It is never good to languish in the swamp of self pity.  Accept the consequences of the choices made.  Then make better choices.