Over the past several weeks, we have seen a new awakening to the depth of sexual misconduct and harassment in the workplace. While much of the reporting focuses on lewd behavior, most of that is for dramatic impact.  The real problem is much deeper.

Men have been marginalizing, dominating and taking advantage of women for much of our human history. While some of this feeds a need for sexual gratification, more often it is about a need for power and control. 

It should be noted that such abuses are not limited to male abuses of females. Nor is it always sexual. Women are "kept in their place" and marginalized in many ways.  So are others who fall victim to the abuses of power and control so prevalent in our workplace and our society. 

The late Dr. Marshall Rosenberg has referred to this pervasive behavior as the culture of dominance.  I think we all can relate to the "pack" mentality that makes us acutely aware of the established pecking order and our place in it.  Many are busy climbing to a higher position, even if only in their own mind, and it is almost always at the expense of the status of another.

This is apparent in our relationships, our styles of communication and how we treat those around us. Interestingly, this culture has its own way self perpetuating. Not only do some choose to treat others as lesser than themselves, some also choose to be subservient.  

Unfortunately, the subservient role of women has been accepted and enabled for a very long time by both genders.  The #MeToo movement demonstrates an awakening to the need for change. But just as waking up in the morning is the beginning of a new day, this, too, is only the beginning of a needed evolution in human behavior. 

If we are going to make a difference in our workplaces and in our society, we need to consider a different approach.  Each of us has a role in perpetuating the problem or encouraging change. Bringing all this out in the light is a start. But if we do so with our typical blame, shame and guilt all the typical defenses of denial, excuses and blame shifting will impede progress and any meaningful change. 

We need to be able to talk about this issue openly with a greater interest in seeking solutions than assigning blame. This starts with each of us admitting we are humans who have made, and are making, choices that may not serve the greater good. How we look at those behaviors, what we learn from them, and what we do in the future to improve is much more important than anything done in the past.

I fully recognize, and readily admit, that I have objectified and marginalized women.  For that I am truly sorry and apologize.  I believe that I have grown to the point where I can recognize past mistakes and improve my behavior.  I also recognize that there is much I can still improve.

As I watched the drip, drip, drip of accusations and admissions, I longed for one person of prominence to step up and lead us to the future.  Most deny, deny in part, or admit, and withdraw to the shadows of guilt avoiding the public view.  So much more could be gained by simply admitting poor choices in the past, being open to discussing ways to improve, and leading the way to greater understanding and the search for real solutions that will benefit our society as a whole.

This awakening is wonderful to see but it is only the beginning.

It seems that every time I interact with a business as a customer I get a gift. Either I get a good experience or I get a lesson in how not to act with or around my customers.

I needed a few things for a project I was working on today and went to a local store to get them. At checkout, the line was a bit long and it was obvious that the cashier was a bit overloaded. A male employee came up to that part of the store and asked her if she need help (keen sense of the obvious).

She said she did and I thought he was going to help out. Nope! While standing amongst the customers, he yelled out, “We need help up front.” Then he shook his head in disgust and walked off to do something else.

How would you guess this might have impacted me and the other customers in line? One might wonder about how the people in this store get along. One might wonder if he can expect to be treated the way the employees treat each other. One might wonder if the disgust was an indication that others are lazy, indifferent or negligent. And if that is the case, how might that impact my customer experience at other times.

Could he have handled that differently? What would you have done in his shoes?

The way people perceive us, is the way they perceive our business. That perception will always be based on our behavior – not just toward the customer but toward the world in general. Most important, whether you are the owner, a manager or an employee at any level, the perception customers have of the business impacts your potential for success.

"He makes me so mad!"  "She just rubs me the wrong way!"

How familiar are these phrases?  These comments and many like them are common in the workplace.  They are used in reference to managers, employees, co-workers, customers and clients.  Sometimes, they are even aimed at colleagues, friends and family.

But the truth is that no one makes you mad.  You make yourself mad.  People do what they do.  You decide if those actions "rub you the wrong way."  It's a choice!

I have often said that the success of any organization is dependent on the people who work there.  All organizational improvements begin with individual improvements.  The first step toward peak performance is taking responsibility for one's self.  Along with that responsibility comes a recognition of the awesome power of choice.

The greatest power we have as human beings is the power of choice.  We choose our behavior, our actions, and our reactions.  We choose our responses, not only to the actions and behavior of others, but to every single thing that happens in our lives.  We can't control the world or everything that happens in it but we do choose how circumstances affect us and how we react.

The mind is a wonderful tool.  It allows us to process immeasurable amounts of data, formulate judgments and make decisions with incredible speed.  In his book Think Better, Tim Hurson talks about three neural functions that help us analyze faster with less thought.  These functions can be very helpful when health and well being depend on quick decisions.  They can also help us avoid getting bogged down in over analysis on the endless decisions needed just to get through the day.

However, rapid judgments are not always accurate and quick decisions are not always the best decisions.  In our fast paced lives, the need for speed often leads to choices that are not well conceived.  Often, so little thought is given to the choice that it seems unconscious.

When the choices are unconscious and the results are problematic or painful it is easy to fall into the role of a victim.  The victim always has someone or something to blame.  They can blame their co-worker, their boss, the economy, the government and even the position of the moon.   

But even the unconscious choices are ours.  We must take responsibility for them.  We choose to be angry.  We choose to judge or blame others.  We choose to react without thinking.  Sometimes those reactions cause irreparable damage. 

Perhaps it is time to develop the discipline to avoid those "helpful" habits that speed along the process of judgment and decisions. Perhaps faster is not always better.  Perhaps we can slow down and think before we react.  Perhaps we can turn the unconscious into conscious.    

It is never good to languish in the swamp of self pity.  Accept the consequences of the choices made.  Then make better choices.