“I don’t care.”

I hear this said so often that I can’t help but consider what lies beneath such apathy.

In some cases, it seems that people really don’t care. They don’t care if the customer is satisfied. They don’t care if a colleague, or supervisor is disappointed. They don’t care if a friend or loved one is hurt. They don’t care if they personally fail.

Seemingly, they are not impacted by potential consequences. They may have discovered that they will not be held accountable, there are no consequences or the potential consequences are of no concern. But it can also have an impact on their feelings. They feel no pain, grief or discontent when things go wrong or end badly. They have no fear of the future. Such apathy can offer a safe and comfortable euphoria.

Then there are those who say it in an effort to try to convince themselves that it’s true. This is sometimes used when things have gone wrong and they are trying not to feel the consequential sting. It can also be used in advance of outcomes to reduce the fear of facing negative consequences or feelings.

Apathy is like a drug - an insatiable desire for nothing. It numbs us to the potentially negative feelings associated with outcomes. If we don’t care then the outcomes don’t matter.

But outcomes should matter. They are a part of our life and numbing ourselves to outcomes is like disconnecting from life. We then also become numb to potential joy, pride and triumph.

Pain is a frequent, normal and natural consequence of caring. So is ecstasy.

Happy New Year!  I hope that each of you is looking forward to a busy and bountiful 2014.

With each new year there are new hopes, new plans and new resolutions.  The new year is a time for new goals and new commitments.  Why is it that these hopes, plans and resolutions are often abandoned before the end of the first quarter?  Is it all just a waste of time?  The new year seems like a great time to talk about ways to make goals work for you. 

Goals are critical to success.  Goals provide direction and motivation.  Achieving your goals can give you a sense of accomplishment and self confidence that will propel you further than you imagine.  I would like to offer three tips that may make a difference for you when setting goals this year.

First, make the goal positive.  Focus on something that you will do rather than something that you will limit, change or discontinue.  It is very difficult for the mind to focus on a negative.  When you say you want to stop eating the prevailing message is "eating."  It is much easier to focus on a goal such as eating more fruit.

Second, make the goals SMART.  Many have heard about the idea of SMART goals but I'll take just a few moments to review this valuable acronym.

   "S" stands for "specific" or "stated" in writing.  When the goal is specific and in writing there is no doubt about the goal's meaning and you can always check back to be sure you are on track.

   "M" stands for "measurable."  You need to state the goal in a way that you can measure progress toward completion and know for sure whether or not you actually got there.

   "A" stands for "achievable."  All goals should be challenging, pull out your best efforts and give you a true sense of accomplishment.  However, it does no good to set an unrealistic goal that cannot be achieved.  This will only lead to frustration and a sense of failure.

   "R" stands for relevant."  The goal should be relevant to your personal definition of success.  The goal should be important to you and serve as a valuable step on your path.  It is easy to abandon something that has little value or importance.

   "T" stands for "time" sensitive.  Set a deadline for reaching the goal.  Having a deadline will give you a sense of urgency and motivation.  The lack of a deadline promotes procrastination.

Your goals may be positive and may be SMART but you may still be set up for failure.  The final tip is to avoid what I call the Trap of the Triple Too's.  It's too complicated.  It's too long.  There are too many.

A goal can often be so large and complicated with so many steps that you flounder just trying to decide where to start.  It seems too overwhelming and impossible to face.The goal may also have too long of a time frame.  A deadline that is a long time away can be like no deadline at all.  There is no sense of urgency and it is easy to procrastinate.  There may be too many people involved in reaching the goal.  Any goal you set that depends on the actions of someone else is not a goal.  It is a wish.  All of these traps can be avoided when setting the goal by breaking it down into smaller, short term goals that are specific to actions you will take. 

Goals can be valuable tools for your success.  Consider taking a few moments right now to set one great goal.

Make it important!  Make it SMART!  Make it happen!

Isn't it remarkable how nature plays and replays the miracle of metamorphosis throughout the plant and animal kingdom?

I once sat on a boat dock and watched a dragonfly emerge from it's shell, struggle to dry itself in the sun and finally fly away.  The process took hours.  The fish weren't biting!

This same struggle for emergence - for the success of life - may be seen in other more abstract journeys as well.

Once upon a time Idea lie hidden in darkness.  Idea was without form or function.  Isolated and without substance, Idea had little hope of growing into anything real and meaningful.  She was afraid.  As she poked her head out of the nothingness, no one even noticed she was there.

Idea so wanted the chance to become a success - to live and to be appreciated.  Would anyone ever recognize her?  Would she come and go like a gentle breeze without a trace?  Would there be nothing to reveal that she ever existed?

After a time, Word came to Idea.  With Word's help, Idea began to take shape.  Over time, Idea started to be seen and even recognized.  Word gave Idea substance and a transformation began.  As more and more people noticed Idea, Hope came along.

With the help of Hope, Idea grew stronger.  Word was now able to add clarity offering concepts of how Idea felt and what it was like to be in her presence.  When Word introduced Idea to additional sensory perceptions such as sound and taste she grew even more. 

More people noticed Idea and some even understood her.  She started feeling safe, warm and wanted.  As Word traveled, Idea was shared with many and some even realized her tremendous potential.  Word and Hope started Idea on a transformational journey into something special.  Practically overnight she emerged as a Vision, a shared Vision.

Although Idea had become Vision, this journey of metamorphosis was just starting.  The road was was long and hard.  There was much to learn and more changes would be needed.  As Vision's popularity grew, more and more people came to take a look and with them came Evaluation.

Evaluation was joined by Suspicion and they suggested that Vision really had no value and should be sent back to nothingness.  They gathered a large group of Challenges who stood in Vision's path making things difficult and holding her back.  Vision decided to sit for a while and while she did Apathy came to her.

Apathy talked of how good it was just to sit there.  "Why bother to struggle with all those Challenges?  This journey is not that important anyway."  Vision began to think that Apathy was right.  The journey was too long and too hard. Perhaps all the effort would be for nothing.  Perhaps there was no reason to continue.

Vision missed Hope very much.  She knew that more help would be needed.  But where would the help come from? Then, like a knight in shining armor, Plan came riding down the road.

Plan could actually see a way around all the Challenges.   Plan could see the end of the journey and how to get there.  Plan called up Hope who came back immediately.  Together, they gave Vision new courage and strength and the journey continued.

With all this help Vision found that the road seemed straighter, easier and less of a struggle.  She was joyfully coasting down the hill when Apathy's little cousin Complacency came along side.

Complacency told Vision to relax.  It was easy to see that the next hill was low and Vision could gain enough speed going down this hill to coast over the next and on to the end of the journey.  There was no need to try or work any longer.  The journey was as good as over.

Vision welcomed the opportunity to relax.  How great it was just coasting down the hill.  She reached the bottom and continued coasting up the other side.  But then Vision began to slow down and came to a stop.  She was far short of the top of the hill and the hill was much steeper than she thought when Complacency was running along with her.

She was so close and now it looked as though she wouldn't make it at all.  If only she hadn't listened to Complacency and kept her speed up.  If only she hadn't slowed down.  If only...  But then, she felt a strong hand at her back.  Vision was actually being pushed up the hill.  Tenacity had come to save her.

With the help of Tenacity she made it to the top of the hill and down the other side.  She reached a cool stream, took a drink and fell asleep.  The morning was bright with a sweet smell in the air when Vision awoke.  But she wasn't Vision any more.  She had become Success.  The journey and the transformation was complete.

Every idea has potential but the road to success is long and arduous. We must nurture ideas with words, keep hope, and formulate plans.  We have to overcome challenges and not give in to apathy or accept complacency.  In the end it takes tenacity to complete the journey.

Success is like a fine chocolate.  The only thing sweeter is more!

Attitude is Everything!  I have used this old cliché for so many years, I can't even identify the original source.  Today, it has found its way to the titles of web sites and books.  Still, this simple statement carries a profound meaning and significant impact for our lives.

As we enter the holiday season, we experience a wide range of feelings.  There is significant diversity in the ways people perceive this time of year.  For some it is a time of giving while others focus on the "getting."  For some this is a time of joy and harmony while others experience a deep sense of foreboding and depression.

All of these experiences are real with a very real impact.  But the holidays are not the source of the feelings.  The holidays are just "the holidays."  It is our paradigms and our individual perceptions that define this time of the year for us.

This expresses the first of three ways our attitudes can change our world - personal impact.  When our attitudes turn negative, we tend to look for, and find, negative in everything we see.  The sun is too hot and the clouds are too dreary.  The moon is too bright and the darkness too scary.

These feelings inevitably lead to a decline in motivation and a decrease in performance.  With the decrease in performance comes a lack of results and low self esteem.  The poor results and lack of self esteem reinforce a negative paradigm and the cycle begins anew.

With a positive attitude the view is very different.  We look for, and find, beauty in our world and opportunity in our  experiences.  We are motivated to seek higher levels of performance and realize greater achievements.  We can see the value in any progress we make and celebrate it as success.  The success we see enhances our faith, improves our self esteem and reinforces the positive cycle. 

The second way attitudes impact our world is what I call interactional impact.  We are not alone in this world.  While there are a few exceptions, most of us interact with others on a frequent basis.  Whenever human interaction occurs, those involved have an impact on each other.

The nature of interactional impact is shaped by two factors - individual behavior and the resulting perception of that behavior.  If I perceive your behavior as positive it has a positive impact on me.  Both behavior and the perception of it are driven by attitude.

Of course, our attitude affects how we judge the behavior of others.  Some are even able to minimize the impact their own attitude has on their behavior toward others.  In either case, positive attitudes and positive behaviors create positive interactions.  Positive interactions stimulate increased motivation, improved performance and higher self esteem.    

The third way attitudes can impact our world is metaphysical impact.  As Wayne Dyer put it, "When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change."  While they certainly change for you, based on your perception, many contend that things can be physically changed by attitude.

It is easy to see that that the outcome of interactions, and the results of our efforts can be changed by our attitude.  But this goes much further with a belief that attitude can actually stimulate physical change in our universe.  The best example lies in the importance of the positive attitude of faith when employing the power of prayer.      

Another example is in the concept of the Law of Attraction.  This concept is quite simple. We bring into our lives that which we think about.  If we think about positive things we desire, they come to us.  Conversely, if we focus on worry, on all the things that can go wrong, and all the ills of the world, we bring those into our lives as well.

It is easy to talk about attitude and to recognize the importance of attitude in our lives.  It is another thing entirely to control or change our attitudes in practice.  There are a number of things we can do to help create and sustain a positive outlook.

Practices such as meditation, prayer, and positive affirmations are a good place to start.  You can also establish a personal filter by controlling some of the things you are exposed to.  You can choose the people you associate with, the books you read, the programs you watch or attend and the websites you visit.  Every experience has an impact on you and on your attitude.     

Life is an on-going process.  We are always moving.  My practice and my advice is to focus on the journey - on improvement rather than perfection.  My goal is to be a little better tomorrow than I am today.  That can never happen with a negative attitude.  It takes desire, faith and work.

I have never believed that we can obtain everything we want simply by sitting back with a positive attitude.  To paraphrase what Thomas Edison once said, opportunity is often missed because it comes dressed in overalls disguised as hard work.

A positive attitude will make a difference.  You can improve yourself.  You can improve your workplace.  You can improve the world around you.  Share something positive, even if it's just a smile.

The sun is always rising somewhere!

That was too close for comfort!

How many times have your said that?  How many times have you heard it from others?

We often experience situations that blast through our comfort zones causing a sudden adrenaline rush with anxiety or fear. People, too, can get too close for comfort.  Each of us has a personal comfort zone that, when encroached upon, can cause a wide range of uncomfortable feelings.  We all have and need that invisible protective shell around us.  We all have and need boundaries.

Boundaries take two distinct forms - physical and emotional.  Physical boundaries have to do with the personal space around us.  Emotional boundaries have to do with the extent to which the actions of others have an emotional impact on us.  Our boundaries may change over time and will vary with respect to different people and different situations.  

Our personal space is a very important part of how we interact with others.  Personal interactions tend to be more positive, productive and successful when the parties are comfortable with the situation.  Discomfort can arise simply by an unintentional invasion of another's personal space.  In the early sixties, anthropologist Edward T. Hall coined the word "proxemics" to describe the study of how personal space is used in interactions.

Throughout the animal kingdom we see examples of the selective use of personal space.  As an example of social interaction we may note that birds tend to line up uniformly on a wire.  Deer will tend to spread out over a territory and over population can lead to sickness and starvation.  The herd of zebra can be comfortable seeing a lion but will begin to flee if the lion gets too close. 

This distance may change in different situations.  I can get pretty close to a Canada goose in my back yard and yet it can be very difficult for a hunter to get that close in the wild.  While I would be very cautious of a bear in the wild, I am much more comfortable in the protective confines of a zoo.        

We tend to keep our distance from strangers but will allow those we know to get much closer.  Someone who grew up in the country like me can be very uncomfortable having a lot of people in close proximity.  Those who come from more crowded environments have a different perspective. 

Cultural differences can have an impact on individual comfort zones.  North Americans, Northern Europeans and Asians tend to prefer more distance and little if any touching.  South American, Arab and Mediterranean cultures tend to be more comfortable with closer proximity and may appreciate physical contact.

Even situational expectations can affect our perceived need for space.  I might be disturbed by a stranger suddenly walking up to me.  However, I can be comfortable when close to a number of strangers while in line for a movie or in the stands at a ball game.   

Emotional boundaries are best defined as the limits placed on how much impact the actions or opinions of others can have our own feelings and self esteem.  The limits are established by saying "no."  This may be "no" to abuse, "no" to unreasonable demands, or "no" to offensive, belittling or hurtful comments.  It can be an outward expression. "No, I won't do that." It can be an inward expression. "No, I don't believe that." 

It is important for us to set boundaries.  Without a firm grasp of our own boundaries, we are like a ship without a rudder pushed and pulled by every wave of opinion or manipulation that rolls along.  Generally, those we care the most about can most easily impact our emotions.  But we choose who to allow to impact us and to what extent.  The key is in our ability to make those conscious rather than unconscious choices.     

In both forms of boundaries, we need to recognize the common links.  First,  boundaries are established through and driven by trust.  Boundaries are dependent on the level of trust we have but significantly influenced by our desire to establish trust and be trusted.  Second, we can only overcome the problems associated with boundaries through an understanding of how our perceptions of boundaries differ.  Finally, understanding is best facilitated through open, honest and direct expression of the boundaries.

It is important to find a positive way to advise others of your personal boundaries and when you are uncomfortable.  I have always liked a simple three part statement.  When you..., I feel... So would you please...  Here's an example.  When you stand too close to me, I feel very threatened.  So would you please back up just a bit?  Here's another.  When you point out my mistakes in public, I feel embarrassed.  So would you please discuss them with me in private?

You can't assume that others will be comfortable telling you about their boundaries.  In the interest of positive human interactions you need to be aware of the impact you are having on others.  Avoid threatening , intimidating, abusive and manipulative actions or  statements.

Watch facial expressions and body language for telltale signals that you are too close for comfort.  Discomfort can be expressed through widening of the eyes, furrowing of the brow, tightening or biting of the lips, leaning away or stepping back, tense or tightening muscles and a rigid posture.  

We all want and need appropriate boundaries.  Acknowledging ours and being sensitive to others' are essential to good relationships and a productive workplace.

How about a party?  Doesn’t that statement just have a way of getting your attention? The idea of getting together with others to socialize and share happiness is always uplifting. Parties offer us something to look forward to. Celebration and the sharing of good times can strengthen relationships and relieve stress.

Many businesses and teams gather together on a regular basis to celebrate birthdays and holidays.  These are great tools to show appreciation, build loyalty and enhance teamwork.  I strongly urge all businesses to take advantage of such opportunities to bring the element of fun into the workplace.

But there is another, often overlooked, opportunity.  This celebration not only offers needed enjoyment, relief and "down time," but actually encourages progress and performance at the same time. Celebrate success!

Celebration of success has a profound motivational impact. Thomas J. Peters, noted consultant and author of In Search of Excellence wrote that you should “celebrate what you want to see more of.” While routine parties are wonderful, they are rarely connected to achievement. When celebrations are tied to performance, they are seen as a reward, creating an added incentive - something tangible to strive for.

There are a wide range of opportunities for celebrating success in the workplace.  Most performance driven organizations have plans with milestones of progress.  They include specific goals for individuals and teams.  Each time a new milestone or goal is reached, you have a new opportunity to celebrate.  These celebrations can highlight a specific employee’s accomplishments or those of a team, department, or the entire organization. The celebrations can include all employees in the business of be limited to a specific workgroup.

Celebrations need not be limited to accomplishments within the confines of the work environment.  Tremendous loyalty can be built by celebrating an employee's personal achievements and recognizing milestones in their personal development. Schools recognize the importance of extra curricular activity to the growth of individuals.  When employees are involved in professional associations and organizations, the employer benefits from enhanced character, teamwork and performance.  Celebrate awards and other achievements beyond the workplace.  Try having a graduation, course completion or awards party!

Finally, don't forget to reward yourself.  My coaching programs emphasize that an individual should celebrate their own successes. It is great if your employer recognizes the value of such celebration, but you don’t have to depend on employers for recognition. You can throw your own party and invite friends, family and co-workers.

This is the perfect opportunity to thank those who have offered support and assistance. When you get into the habit of celebrating your own successes, you will find that each celebration provides greater motivation and a new boost of energy.

When was the last time your team had a party?  Maybe it's time for another one?